The Importance of Being Annonymous

There's not enough honesty in this world.

My boss once brilliantly said, "If truth were deodorant, most people would stink." She's onto something there.

People feel so much pressure to be good, passive human beings; but how many of us can be passive? I'm no Alpha, but I'm no Beta, either - surely, I cannot be alone in feeling that way.


What's funny, though, is how people regard you before they know who you are. It's like that girl at work who I would sometimes see walking around the building. Without fail, she would always eye me up and down, smirk judgmentally and, if we had to communicate for some reason, speak condescendingly to me. That changed the day she realized what team I work with and what role I happen to have within it. Her initial behavior was the truth. She didn't like my forever-unkempt hair, or maybe it was the lack of make-up on my face or my eclectic style. She judged me on that, and, while initially I found it amusing when she suddenly avoided eye contact and her tone changed to a polite whisper, after a while, I kind of preferred the judge-y behavior. At least it was honest - someone who takes a lot of time to look impeccable maybe wouldn't have much respect for someone who would rather spend her morning running than sprucing up. She had no problem being aggressive before she found out my name, when I was still anonymous to her. It gave me a chance to raise an eyebrow at her superficiality.

My name, ha! Like anywhere outside this company it means anything. I am neither famous nor actually important. The label I work for is exceptional, and through this job I shine, but what is Pedigree without a little pretension? Perhaps we all let it get to our heads a bit and maybe that's dangerous.

If I ever did create something worthy of being judged by others, I don't think I'd put my name on it anymore. There was a time I would have, but that ship sailed as I learned how people change their tone when they know they're speaking to you regarding your work. I even want the gender of the pseudonym to be androgynous and left to interpretation. I want the harshest criticism spoken plainly and in an impassioned manner.

I want that regarding anything I'd create.

Oh, The Things We Do When We're In Love (With Ourselves).

I was running incredibly late this morning; I didn't even make it onto the freeway until ten minutes before I was supposed to be at work. Half an hour later, I sat at my desk with nothing to do but eat breakfast and drink tea and I started thinking about how I should do my make-up. To be fair, there were no emails to attend to yet.

I hate the lighting in the bathrooms here, but there's really bright sunlight dancing through the windows in the pattern room, right by my desk - perfect for draping as well as for reasons of vanity. I decided I would finish getting ready in the comfort of my pattern space. I had my makeup kit from my purse, and I decided to use the camera on my tablet as a mirror. I stood the tablet against the left side of my computer and adjusted the lighting settings to accommodate the ultra-brightness. I applied a light powder and a little mascara - not a dramatic project. Afterwards, I adjusted the lighting again so that the camera would be ready to use the next time my dog is does something so adorable that I just have to take a video and therefore the camera must be ready. Yes, that happens a lot, so the settings must be perfect beforehand or, heaven forbid, I can't add an adorable moment to my Brody Bear digital collection. I realize I'm neurotic, I just don't care.

So, after that, I went back to eating oatmeal and trying  to go through email, but I kept finding myself distracted by the image of myself. My hair was too flat, and unable to guide my attention to anything else but the lack of oomph in my hair, I put work aside and began fluffing away at it. After I'd played with my hair for way, way too long, I went back to my oatmeal again. Only then, did I notice I'd accidentally been filming myself since I adjusted the light settings the second time. I started cracking up and had  to watch it right away. I am vain to a point of sheer goofiness. I've been laughing at my geekery all morning and wasn't to spread the self love.

Here's the link to the video, because of course I posted that ish to ze youtubes:

Watch "Adventures of Patternmaking Vanity Table"